And Then There Were Us

"Party like a rock star!"

Today, I woke up, and I felt the energy of a 200,000 person march pulling me out of bed. The sun light and city sound filled me with heart and soul of the people. The people who are fighting for everything that we believe in. I heard the calls and the cries of those lost, those born and died to a world that surrounded them with hate and despair. I heard these cries and it made me realize that these cries will only continue to echo through out our time unless we do something, so I got up and got ready.

After looking at the schedule, at least 17 workshops per session, Mario and I strolled out without saying a word, or at least that I can repeat because all we did was talk shit about people and ideas that make us nervous or frustrated or confused as to why they exist. That space to vent and express that agitation in my heart is so essential for making sure I treat everyone with respect and listen to what they have to say -- no matter how I might think it's ridiculous; every voice should be heard, processed, and given the same respect.

My first workshop was about sustainable leadership, recruitment and retention in the not for profit sector. Though somewhat unaccesible and frustrating that Eliza Byard wasn't there, I found the time to think about two things: how can sustainable leadership in the youth movement last continually, and does it need to, and is working in the not for profit sector something that I want to do?

I walked down to a Theater of the Oppressed workshop put on by a Boston Youth group. It was refreshing to be able to do something creative and applicating our high level thinking in a way that provokes social change. In our workshop, we split up into groups to "share our stories dramatically."

Holiday and Shatavia and I got to have lunch today. Beautiful people. I'm so excited to be moving to Atlanta.

Then plenary where Rea Carey talked about being active within the LGBT movement and that equality isn't a compromise; you can't be just a little equal. Her suggestion? Once a month, talk, write, and meet with people to change their minds. One person. Do you know how many people that is if everyone at the conference did that for a year? 72,000. That's a lot compared to just me, but really? I think we need to do more. Tanner and I agree.

I went to the third session with Kip and Robin around Queer Radical Minds retreat. The retreat focused on this idea of building a broader base and incorporating civil disobedience. I facilitated and presented the small group discussion on radical inclusivity. It turns out I'm a good facilitator. However, some kid from TEP said that he didn't come away with anything. I told him he didn't sound very open to the info, and he responded by aruging he was. He walked into the meeting and said that he was sent to spy on us by TEP. Great. Queers spying on queers.

Finally, and I think most importantly, I made it to the Gay for Pay workshop, which brings me back to whether I want to do this for a living. Honestly, if I'm going to be doing something in the not for profit sector, it's gonna' have to be in the queer movement. I met an Emory student today and I was talking to him; he told me that a lot of people do pre-med, but there's excellent liberal arts programs to utilize. I guess we'll have to see! Regardless, I came away from today with a really clear idea of what it would be like to work in the social justice movement. It sounds fun!

After the conferences we had caucuses. I don't want to go into how angry I got, but let me just say how I feel: SOCIAL JUSTICE IS AN INTERGENERATIONAL PROCESS. If you think it's ok to completely disregard all the work, progress, and people who have come before you, and disrespect those who have come before you, there is no room for your attitude in this movement, and you better check that at the door.

Later, Sherry Wolf and I tooled around and ate hour'dourves and talked about socialism.

At last, Kyle and I came back to our apartment to meet up with Mario. We all had a big ole' time talkin' love. Kyle and I went to S4, and it was fabulous.

CONRAD'S DO'S:
** DO SPEAK UP ON BEHALD OF YOUR ADULT ALLIES
** DO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM FORCEFUL PHYSICAL ATTENTION FROM STRANGERS.
** DO MEET YOUR BFFS DAD

CONRAD'S DON'TS:
** DON'T BUY INTO PATHOS SPEECH RIGHT AWAY
** DON'T DISREGARD EMPOWERMENT SPEECHES
** DON'T BUMP INTO PEOPLE AT S4

If Today Could Talk

"We have to ride this new wave of activism."

Today I woke up next to the right man, hopped on MARTA to the airport to Dallas to Creating Change to make a difference in the world.

I should say my journey began with a mid-flight realization that this fear of flying in planes is completely rational; it stems from a fear and discomfort with being out of control. On further inspection, I realized that I (as in the human population) are rarely in control of everything. Is that control really necessary to NOT flinch every time there's a bump or start prayin' when the plane jostles. Letting go of that fear, albeit hard, was such a relief.

When I got to Dallas, I was ready to hop in Mark's red-orange Hummer, catch up with him and Mario, and make our way to the W residency. When we walked into the lobby my first comments were, "I feel so privileged right now!" the residency is truly beautiful, posh, and hip. The windows overlooking the city are enchanting; the orchids are magical; the living space is divine.

Without hesitation, we made our way to the Sheraton for the conference. Mario, my companion in all this, and I wondered around running into wonderful people. The day proceeded as such -- every once in awhile grouping with folks from Radical Minds. It was just so refreshing to be around so many queer activists. I must have talked my ass off because my voice is so horse right now. It all started with our instantaneous screaming kiniption we had with Tanner and Michelle. it progressed with conversations with old friends and new faces -- all of which are beautiful and amazing. This is truly a gathering of fabulous souls.

That really came out tonight during plenary. It was started with aknowledgement that hearing and language barriers will not be present at this conference. This sentiment indicates the accesibility that Task Force is considering when laying the foundation for this event. The next was the aknowledgment that this used to be Native land. Then a progression of awards and speakers that inspired clapping and screaming and hollering and laughing. Kate Clinton is our emcee, and boy is she hillarious. Her advice? We need not only have sit-ins, but laugh ins. Laugh in? Next time someone says something ridiculous about LGBTQIA rights/equality, listen, but then start bursting out laughing.

Finally, the keynote speaker, Thomas Seanz, a straight ally working on immigration, made 5 clear disctinctions why bridging and recognizing the intersections of the immigration movement and gay rights movement coorelate. Though dry and academic, his message was very stirring. To think so clearly that despite different specific goals, different socio-cultural implications, the tactics implemented against LGBT people and latin American people are very similar and our experience of oppression has distinct similarities such as fear of hate crime, living in the shaddow, and being denied full citizenship.

This concept of intersectionality is popping up everywhere. It's as if people are finally coming out the wood work and recognizing the fact that we need to be doing this all together. Together, we can make a difference.

Highlights: Tanner Efinger and "Rock for Equality" campaign around same-sex social security benefits; free "Legalize Gay" t-shirt from CampusPride; Michelle, Shannon, Michael, Robin, Stacey, Mandy, and Marquez hug; Kyle and Noah; Mario's and Conrad's conversations; meeting up with GLSEN; randomly running into Angel and Paulina; talking to represenatives from the census about queering the census; plennary speakers; making friends with Andrea from the Trans Hospitality room; flash mob planning; literature from "Gay? Fine by me!"; and sex positivity.

Tonight we tried walking home. Epic fail. As we're mapping out which workshops of 17 in each session, we're also mapping out better directions.

I think what I've come out of today with is two things: Self-actualization works and queer activism does, too. Also, it's the best to have a lot of friends.

CONRAD'S DO'S:
** SCREAM WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE LOST TO DISTANCE
** VISIT ALL THE DIFFERENT HOSPITALITY ROOMS
** WALK WITH NUMBERS AND BUTCH DYKES

CONRAD'S DON'TS:
** RESIST THE URGE TO CARTWHEEL IN AN OPEN ROOM
** GET STRESSED OVER LITTLE THINGS
** DENY THAT YOU ARE SOMEONE FROM AMERICAN IDOL

Creating Change Means Flying to Dallas

"May I congratulate you first for human, human of the year; you've won!"

A fluorescent pink suitcase sits zipped up, not full, but accomplished. It's a carry on; ready for the quick maneuvers of some international airport time.

I am not a particular fan of the airport. Security, checking in, busy people doing busy things on PDAs and iPods and with small children that don't know what it means to be busy. It's not the people; the people are delightful. It's not the food -- though airport food is notoriously overpriced and under quality. It's primarily the flying part.

However, destination Dallas requires a good hour and a half of flying. Last time I flew into Texas the plane felt like it was going to plummet. Terrifying much?

Going against Gandhian practices of thinking about the means as justifying the end, I'm taking the bullet and accepting the fact that Dallas is the headquarters for Creating Change. A hotbed of activist activity and advocacy and networking and mainly tweeting. It's essential, if you're an activist, to have a twitter.

Just last week I was at Highlander with some real activists. Activists looking to change the structure of how we work in advocacy and social justice. I like to sum it up by saying I was there to explore the possibility of expanding the LGBT Equality movement to incorporate a broader base and civil disobedience. I like to think that this is going to work because I believe in what's right. I'm wondering what others think is right, and that's why I'm going to Creating Change. I'm going to create change, too.

First: pit stop in Chattanooga, then Atlanta.

CONRAD'S DO'S
** THINK OF MIKE AND DANTE AND THANK THEM
** DO STUFF YOUR FACE WITH PRETZELS AND HOT CHOCOLATE
** DO GET A TWITTER

CONRAD'S DON'TS
** DON'T WAIT UNTIL 12:30 TO START PACKING
** DON'T ANTICIPATE FEAR IN FLIGHT
** DON'T LOOK FOR A BELT THAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU FOR 30 MINUTES.

Brooklyn is for Lovers

Friday, July 25

Welcome to our house we only wanted to be good for the caller. Welcome to us, leave a message let us know what you're after. It may seem like there's nobody home. Really we're sitting right by the phone, letting you speak to the machine, letting you go first to say what you want.
Good morning, Jake! Good morning, Marie! Oh wait, oh no! Good bye! Good bye! Good bye!

Marie walked me to the elevator with my luggage in tow. We hugged and kissed -- and told one another how much we adored the other. It was as if I was saying goodbye to a relative. Perhaps it truly is just how lovely and open she is, but I feel as if we've exchanged heart pieces.

Then the sweat came.

I briskly walked down to the subway for a few blocks as I exited the building. Then it became more of a chore. By the time I was too the stairs I was doing my best not to pant! The 1 came crowded, and I debated whether or not to wait for an emptier car. No. I shoved my way on with two hot pink suitcases and backpack with wrapping paper jutting out the back. Incidentally, I only had one person say anything, and it was after my Lucho wrestler gift wrap body slammed his face! Embarrassing!

Before too long, I was blushing again as I pushed my way off the elevator into an anti-oppression workshop for the Media Ambassadors that GLSEN Communication was training! A lobby full of young people spread out all of a sudden staring at me, some hugging me, while I clumsily and awkwardly waddled to the front desk door. It was a relief to finally sit down at my desk and fall into the realm of spread sheets.

An hour or two later, Bailey and I took a taxi to Columbus Circle for a Mac appointment. It was the first time I had driven above ground in NYC, and the experience was one of interest, fascination, and extreme fear. I was enamored by the sights and views while I held on tightly in the cross-town traffic. Try it some time!

Jake met me at 3:00, and we collectively made an easy ride to Brooklyn for our new residence. Mike, the previous sublet, let us in, and we made ourselves comfortable. The apartment is beautiful, and Ally, the cat, is more than adorable! It has a wonderful living room/kitchenette with all the good (gay) channels on TV. A full bathroom on the right, a study at the end of the hall, and our bedroom is up the spiral staircase. It's really the perfect place; I fully advocate making life long connections via craigslist sublet section.

After settling down, Jake and I toured around 5th Avenue in Park Slope. The area is absolutely gorgeous, and reminiscent of a more developed Asheville. The people are nice, and there's a diverse range of food options. We probably walked around for an hour before deciding to try and decide what to eat! Jake got Greek, while I found some good soul food options in the grocery store. We mozied back to the apartment, and cuddled up for a good ole' horror movie. Brooklyn is spectacular!
CONRAD'S MUST-DO'S:
** ESTABLISH LOVE BETWEEN STRANGERS AND THEIR CARETAKERS.
** SLEEP TWO TO ONE AIR MATTRESS.
** RUN ERRANDS IN EXPENSIVE PARTS OF TOWN AND SUGGEST JAMBA JUICE.
** MAKE YOURSELF A HOME IN BROOKLYN.

CONRAD'S MUST-NOT'S:
** CARRY LUGGAGE ON THE SUBWAY.
** TRIP OVER YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CITY.
** SASS THE APPLE GENIUS.
** BE SNAPPY WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW THEIR WAY AROUND.

JAKEJAKEJAKE

Thursday, July 24

and in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine. i hope that someday I’ll see without these frames. and in the daylight i don’t pick up my phone cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home.

Counting the hours and minutes until Jake's arrival filled my day. Hopping from the 1 to the 2 in efforts to get anywhere faster, I check my phone: 15 minutes until 9:30, which means 5 1/2 hours until I need to dash out of work. Not only was I excited to be with my boyfriend, but to a certain degree breathe air with a familiar and close relation. In NYC, I have no one -- not a best friend, partner, family member, of whom I can simply be myself around! Sure, I've made friends, but my best friend here has known me for a total of 10 or days; it would be unfair to expect such platonic intimacy.

Jake was supposed to call at 1:30 when he got off. I looked at the clock to see 1:55 changing fast to 1:56. Nervous, I checked on his flight (because you can do that these days!) and found him redirected to Baltimore. Naturally, I freaked out! I called flight information and sat on hold for 20 minutes before being told that the flight was safely arriving into LaGuardia as we were speaking. Whoo! It actually worked out for the best because this way I could leave GLSEN at an appropriate time and not leave Jake waiting for 45 minutes.

By the time my train stopped at 116th, I was bolting down the road with my scarf flying in the air, and rain drops pelting my sunglasses. I looked for the tall figure on the corner of Morningside and Amsterdam and saw him from a block away. I kept running until I was safe in a warm hug and the familiar breath of Jake.

Before too long we were settled into Marie's apartment speaking with her and doing introductions. She seems enchanted by him, and even gave an impromptu dance/song performance of Jambalaya on the Bayou! She even offered for us to sleep in her bed while she curled up on the couch! Of course, I said no, but the thought was nice: "I want you two to sleep together on your first night together in the city!"

Before too long we were walking down 125th and exploring commercial Harlem with ease. Though the rain caught in our socks, and the wind sparked our necks, the day could not have ended any better.

CONRAD'S MUST-DO'S:
** RUN THROUGH THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT AS IF ON A SECRET MISSION.
** JUMP DOWN SUBWAY STAIRS TO MAKE YOUR TRAIN.
** BRING YOUR PARTNER TO YOUR FAVORITE CAFE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

CONRAD'S MUST-NOT'S:
** EXPECT H&M TO ALWAYS BE AMAZING.
** INTERACT NEGATIVELY WITH PEOPLE IN HARLEM.
** MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FUNCTION IN NYC.

You Look Like Home to Me

Wednesday, July 23

I smile when he grins even though it was the television. Still, I'm glad to be around while he's laughing. You look like home to me.

This is the time I realize that this endless living situation does in fact come to an end. Though I've complained countless numbers of times to individuals and on my blog, I am truly sad to be packing my suitcases away from Marie's. She is beyond what it means to be a sweet old lady: Marie is a genuine, caring, loving, and dear person. I don't think a day has gone by when she hasn't apologized for not feeding me, giving me a bed, and not making me more comfortable. Of course I haven't let on to her that I could be more comfortable, but she isn't ignorant; I appreciate her awareness and willingness to make things pleasant.

Her spirit fights hard, and her accomplishments speak her truth about advocacy and securing living opportunities for all peoples. She has gone up against some heavy institutions with success, and garnered the respect of the colorful and diverse population around her. She is an organizer to this day, and a fierce one at that! Though her life is culminating, I am deeply grateful for my opportunity to meet, talk, and live with her.

I came home from work today to sit and speak with her. We chatted about what I am doing in NYC, the different places I've visited, and the sort of work I'm doing with GLSEN. I began to ask her about her day and what she was getting involved in. A simple curiosity seemed to brighten her day, and the act of sharing made her smile. This base level of communication was not being taken for granted by her, and it made me feel as if this grand feeling of disconnection was widespread; I cannot help but to promise myself to be more engaging to those around me.

My bags are packed. My area is cleaned. Marie's gorgeous apartment is ready for me to leave.

CONRAD'S MUST-DO'S:
** TAKE A WALKING TOUR THROUGH MARIE'S APARTMENT.
** BEFRIEND PEOPLE REGARDLESS OF AGE.
** DRINK OTHER PEOPLE'S APPLE JUICE WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND SIX DOLLARS ON A BOTTLE.

CONRAD'S MUST-NOT'S:
** LET AWFUL AND TERRIBLY STRESSFUL ROOMMATES RUIN THINGS.
** BUY AN ABUNDANCE OF RASPBERRY SODA.
** LOSE ALL YOUR SOCKS MYSTERIOUSLY AND ALL AT ONCE.

Hard Work Helps

Tuesday, July 22

Put a hole in the ground just to bury your poor uncle. Let him settle down, gettin' ready for the savior. If his heart is light as a feather he'll just float right in. It's a shame it's heavier by the burdens of his sin.

I'll tell you this: California is being presented with an alternative! I found a resource that will allow us to have a rather significant portion of the information we need for the school districts, and therefore the remaining information will not be nearly as much of a hassle to deal with. This is exciting!

GLSEN had it's monthly all staff meeting today! We heard from Community Initiatives about Camp GLSEN and how amazing it apparently was. The idea was to train a national intergenerational team to enter their community to start a plethora of localized JumpSTART teams; it's something that East Tennessee GLSEN is going to debut with (hopefully!). Next we heard from Communications about Sirdeaner Walker testifying on behalf of the Safer Schools Initiative Act. Her story and compelling testimony enchanted the congress people, and had a few of us in the office tearing up: http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2449.html.

It struck me how important GLSEN is to the lives and support of LGBTA youth around the nation. Though at times our struggles with GSA or Spectrum Activities may seem futile and wasted, I know that just by providing a space, by existing, we are what makes the difference for some young people. Many youth feel isolated and alone; a presence and visible charter of folks can be what saves that child from self-destruction or violence from others. We have to keep working! I'm going to keep working.

After my day at GLSEN was over, I trained to the Center to meet George for the last time: he'll be on a plane tomorrow for Myrtle Beach. We stayed for a discussion group around Gender and Gender Identity; it eventually turned into a slight argument about whether the term Metrosexual is derogatory or not. I'm of the persuasion that it is merely a way for narrow minded people to maintain the stereotype that A) The majority of straight men aren't consumed by maintaining a clean appearance and B) That all gay men are. The term metrosexual encourages the hierarchy that places gay men below straight men because the general feeling that metrosexual men are closeted implies that a metrosexual man is below a straight man, and therefore gay men are below straight men, which is just totally heterosexists!

I learned that some people don't have boundaries, and cannot understand others' boundaries. George and Marcus left me to fend for myself with this gay boy from Yonkers who could not stop trying to touch my butt! I mean, I know I have a nice one, but it's really uncomfortable when I don't know you and you're either trying to take a squeeze (or punch? I don't know. He's obviously crazy!). By the third or fourth time of politely and , I finally said, "You cannot touch me there. Get yo' fuckin' hands off me!" George made him leave.

I helped George get ready to leave by cleaning his kitchen from last night, and then cleaning and organizing his entire kitchen area like I usually do. We walked back to the subway and said our goodbyes. It's interesting to know that all the people I establish connections with here in NYC will all be out of my immediate life very shortly. I'm sad.

CONRAD'S MUST-DO'S:
** ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES WITH CREEPERS.
** LISTEN TO OTHERS' VIEW ON HOW GENDER AND SEXUALITY RELATE.
** BE ENTHUSIASTIC WHEN YOU PRESENT YOURSELF TO A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE.

CONRAD'S MUST-NOT'S:
** EAT CHIPS LOUDLY DURING A MEETING.
** SUGGEST CULTURING ROLLY-POLLIES AS A CRAFT FOR YOUR DEPARTMENT.
** BE IRRITATED WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW YOU'RE TIRED.